Somewhat available.

Some would say I'm not available. I seem to be indecisive about what or who I want, and whether I can handle a relationship at all. I'm approaching 40 and am realizing that I've wasted a lot of time, and need to get something going before I die a pathetic, lonely man. I have self-esteem and trust issues, and I'm very aware of my weakness' and fears. I have lots of friends and support, and lots of validation for my talent, but sometimes have a hard time owning that I'm an allright person. I'm my own worst critic and will punish myself more than anyone else could for anything I do. The problem is, I do human things and have a hard time forgiving myself. I hold myself to a higher standard than anyone would.
Just writing this seemingly revealing but hopefully honest bio seems like shooting myself in the foot. I just want a normal relationship with someone who knows who they are, and is willing to let me be who I am.
Now that I've shot myself in the foot.....
I am a good person, with talent and a lot of potential. Looking for a female, 30-40, with a bright, quick sense of humor. I've been the funny guy for a long time and need someone to amuse me. No recreational drugs, excessive drink, smoking or excessive make-up or perfume. I'm not looking for a specific color, religion or physical type, but must have an attraction. I like open-minded but morally solid people. If you play a stringed instrument and like old country music or bluegrass, that would be a good thing, as well as maybe liking to dance to same old music.
Music is important in my life, as my job and my hobby. I like the outdoors and aspire to spend more time there. I like to fish, especially in salt water. My schedule is weird, with a lot of evenings playing music. Part of me wants someone to take care of me, fighting with the part who wants to be fiercely independent. Maybe there's something and someone in between my internal tug-of-war. I'm not doing a very good selling job, I know. My needs are probably really pretty simple at this point. If you find this mess that is me attractive, please Email me and tell me why.